Piles of books overlapped on unevenly thrown away books in the rack, A row of dictionnaries where some spiders happily dwelling, untouched homework of students, unopened mails, messages, texts, pastel colour sticky notes full of reminders yet forgotten. My corner in the house.
No alarm, no rush, no need of early wash. Sleeping until someone wakes up me. I am JD, a Master.
Couple of years back, as a fresh gradute I was with full confidence, energy and even challenged sun. I spent my whole university life preparing myself. Everything turned upside down once I learnt that hard work has nothing to do infront of someone else’s luck.
I was sent to a monastery. Still with full of enthousiasm early morning flew to teach but ended up all alone in lonely lecture halls. Once, twice, thrice or whole week no students’. Being a visiting lecturer is hard. Being without students and nothing to do is worse. You are paied for the hours you stay. “Here students are like that”, ” In any institution situation is like that”, ” this is not something that you only face, I faced a lot more difficulties back then even with more qualification than you”. Many tried to encourage me with their heavy advice. Somehow with all tactics I managed to bring students to classroom. They were very talented students though in my seniors’ mind they were weak. I proved they aren’t. They did marvels. A recurrent pressure was put on me asking to do what ever to secure an invisible job. I felt that I am under unnecessry authority. With one last moment with my dear students I left the temple.
Somehow a part time job that accidently found was there to shoulder me. Teaching kids was always fun. Colour pencils, pastels, stickers and smiles of little kids was solace for me. Any way my signature would go with any class. ” Your class is too noisy” . Even if I am inside the class the common complain will come.
For the second time I applied for the very first job I was always dreaming of. This time with extra experience I faced the interview. Happily went I home. The next day learnt others were lucky enough again. Will I go behind this again? Yes I did. But this time I was getting ready when I come to know that some one ( a very close friend for whom everybody had better plans) was already on board.
Drifted away with any vague that I would encounter, finaly thrown away to The Arts University in the capital. Again a visiting life for an optional subject. Hours and hours no students. Waiting in the staff room. Some days were good. Only handful of hardworking students attended classes. Their departure was not easy for me as they were the only thing I had.
With the outbreak of virus my world too was halted. ” Apply to whatever chance you meet.”, ” why don’t you start giving tution you can earn”, ” Failure you are good for nothing, with attitude”, ” Oh dear you don’ t have a permanent job, that’ s sad, when are going to marry?” ” when are going to take care of your parents?”,”come out from your comfort zone and take any risk”. Tons of very optimistic encouragements still echoing inside my ears. Why shouldn’t I go and feel the weight of what they ask me to do? Then my heart would say that there is no any logic that I should get the similar experience that they underwent.
Being a part time teacher lecturer is not that bad, no guarantee though. I have been walking on this path for sometime now. Never I saw a place that is willing to fully accept me. My shoes are worn now. I was hurt so many times. Still people would ask me if they see me being hurry ” oh getting ready to go to work?”
Should I quit? Any way I am on an unconventional wild road where some chilren choose to follow me. I would lend hand to anyone willing to learn. After stepping into the virtual environment I am forever settled in my small corner of the house. But I am not the one who was at the begining of this journey. Let the books drink and sleep well in what ever the place they want in the book rack. Since I know the book I can find them anyway.If there are any spiders willing to share my place, always I would welcome. Messages I will read and to mails I will reply but don’ t know when. I will definetely sleep whenever wherever I want inside my house. After eight clock I will sleep for sure so messaging or calling me during that time is at your risk. I will answer but will forget. So you will need to remind me.I work only couple of days. So those days you won’ t be able to catch me. Even the class is at 3o clock in the evening, I will work from morning. When I should marry God will decide. You do not need to loose your peace because of my future. Now I am happy about where I am.
I am John Durairaj. The Master.
– Sumudu-
viskotusahakopi 